Adopting a child is a beautiful thing and marks the beginning of a new journey for your family, yet many adopt for the wrong reasons. When adoption is chosen, and not because of necessity, the decision can be influenced by inappropriate choices. When the process does not work out, this outcome is incredibly tough on the child as well as those trying to become guardians. It is wise to think about the reasons why you may want to adopt and whether you are ready for a lifelong commitment. Here we will look at certain issues to be aware of when deciding to adopt.
Often people commit to adoption and follow through with it, even though they have serious doubts. The guilt that envelopes them because of their lack of desire to adopt causes them to continue with the plans and take in a child. Although bringing an infant into your home and offering them a better life is something to be admired, if it is not done for the right reasons it is not good for anybody. Sometimes when a child has been living in your home for a while or if you are fostering a child the guilt propels those looking after them to continue the legal proceedings for adoption. Many also feel pressured by family to become the child’s guardian. As well as this self-imposed guilt, adolescents can manipulate feelings and may attempt to guilt adults into adopting them. Foster parents may care for these children and don’t want to see them move homes again. However, if you are not 100% committed to the idea of adoption do not decide to do it. It does not make you a bad person if you don’t want to be their legal guardian. If it feels wrong do not proceed.
Another common reason people choose to adopt is to save failing marriages. Unfortunately, this occurs a lot as couples think the new addition will bring them closer together. Although at the beginning it may provide a distraction from marital issues, it will not last. A child cannot fix a broken relationship and should not be asked to. They will be pulled into a messy situation while believing that they are at fault for the breakdown. Often, the adoptive parents will slowly begin to resent the infant subconsciously for not saving the relationship. Another flawed reason to explore is adoption solely because a spouse wants to. Couples must be on the same page and have an equal level of passion, or it simply will not succeed. It takes two to tango and two to raise a child. Speak with your partner, clear the air.
Many chose to adopt due to their fear of an empty nest. Mothers are often concerned with the emptiness of the home and their own personal lack of direction when children grow up and move out. Their adult children are now independent of their parents and do not need much direction, often resulting in the mother’s decision to adopt. It is a suitable option for them as older mothers do not need to worry about their biological clock impacting their decision to have a child in this way. Sadly, when this is the primary catalyst for the decision to adopt, it normally does not happen. When choosing to care for a kid you must be there to provide for the child’s needs and to help them to grow in love in your home. It is not the opposite, where the child is fulfilling your needs. The work completed in adoption agencies centers on the child and the suitability of the home for them. It can seem overly thorough and strict but it is entirely necessary at moments like this when adults must study the impact the child will have in their lives and if they can deal with this to care for them effectively.
Of course, not all adoptions are for the wrong reasons. Adoption agencies will assess you to see if you are prepared and suitable to adopt, but it is worth reviewing these points to ensure that you are in the right position to begin. You may want to help a child who is without a family and provide for them, which is amazing. Remember, you must accept their heritage, faith and who they are as a person. Respect their history. The child may grow to be different than what you wanted for a son or daughter, but you cannot alter someone’s personality. Don’t try to change them but instead offer them a helping hand whenever they need it. Similarly, the entire family should be on board with the adoption decision. For a child to come into a comfortable, safe home the family must be unified and enthusiastic about the process. They are gaining a sibling and must make their new brother/sister feel at home. If your biological kids aren’t on board with the idea, do not force it or proceed. If these things are not an issue, it seems like you may be ready to adopt. It is extremely rewarding to mould the little one into a better version of themselves while you pass on your life’s knowledge to them, knowing that you helped them gain a better life. They are the ones who will make your life better.